Lennon's Birth Story

Starting to process the birth…

During the beginning of my pregnancy I wasn’t really attached to how the birth happened, as long as my baby was healthy. I was actually pretty terrified of the experience. And the whole first trimester I couldn’t really dive into any of the education or books since I felt so sick. But once I did I became pretty fascinated by it all. My two favorite books were Transformed by Birth and Ina May’s Guide to Birth. The stories of natural unmedicated births opened by eyes to how powerful birth can be and how incredible a woman’s body is. I knew it was going to be a transformational experience and I realized I did have choice in how in went down. I had the power to educate myself, make certain decisions to prepare and train my body and mind for the birth. I had choices but ultimately had to surrender to my body and the universe. 

So as the birth approached I felt strong, although a bit scared. But fear didn’t match up to the love and determination I had to have my baby in my arms. When week 40 came my midwives at UCLA started to prepare me for the idea of induction. Something I did not want. I was trying to go as natural as possible. I started to try all the natural things- tea, walking, acupuncture etc but 41 weeks came and I felt pretty much normal. I was having very subtle contractions but I wasn’t even sure that’s what they were at the time. This was when they were starting to push for induction. I agreed to go in for a non stress test and considered doing a cervical exam and possibly sweep the membrane to get things going. 

I went in Thursday at 2 pm for the test expecting everything to be fine and to go home. As they monitored the baby they noticed I had two larger contractions. After each surge, her heart rate dipped and took awhile to raise back up again. This was a sign that she may not handle contractions well and they wanted to keep me for more monitoring. I was sent up to labor and delivery to speak with a doctor and monitor for another hour. I didn’t have anymore big contractions so it was hard to conclude if this was a full on pattern or not. The doctor strongly suggested I stay at the hospital for induction. I was upset and disappointed but at that point I couldn’t go home without worrying about the baby. I had them check my cervix which was completely closed so sweeping the membranes was not an option, plus they said that would take too long and we needed to get the ball rolling. I considered all the options and agreed to an oral cervical ripening medication. It was a lower dose that could be administered up to 6 times so it would give me the chance to check my progress before taking more. Myles went home to get all of our things.

While he was gone they kept checking on me and the nurses tried to be friendly but all I could do was sit and silently cry. This was not how I had envisioned the birth starting and I felt like I was letting my body down by not believing in it. I let myself feel this but knew I needed to let go and be confident I was making the best decision I could in that moment for my baby. I waited until Myles got back to take any medication. When he did get back not only did he bring what I had packed but he added singing bowls, crystals and other items to set the mood. It was as if he knew we would be there for awhile. He set everything up, including an altar in front of me with LED candles, crystals and pictures from the baby’s ultrasounds. I took the first dose of the medication and went to sleep. After 4 hours the nurses came in to monitor the baby again and give me a second dose. I slept another 4 hours with contractions coming and going and increasing in intensity. 

In the morning, they saw my contractions were getting closer together and said we could wait on another dose. The doctor checked my cervix (which was very posterior making it hard and uncomfortable for me- I had to sit on my fists in a butterfly shape for them to get up there). I was open about 1 cm so they said I could try the balloon catheter if I wanted. They knew I wanted the least amount of medication. This was a balloon that was inserted past the cervix and filled with saline, to create pressure and encourage the cervix to open further. Once you got to 3-4 cm it would fall out. If it didn’t fall out they would remove it after 12 hours. They offered me Fentanyl for the insertion because apparently it was painful but I said no to that. I went inward and started meditating as best I could during the process. Myles held my hand. They had a hard time getting it in there. It felt like she was digging around forever! She almost called the other doctor to come in to try. I did not want her to take her hand out because then we would have to start the pain all over again. At the last second she got it in thank god! They filled the balloon which created a pressure and a cramping sensation in my uterus. It was so uncomfortable and limited my movement and positions. It felt horrible to lean forward or place any pressure near my pelvis- so I was limited to leaning against the bed or laying down. The contractions felt double intense with that extra pressure and my lower back was killing me. Myles was there with me making sounds with me, rubbing my back, bringing me water and anything else I needed. 

The other bad news was they wanted me on continuous monitoring. The baby was doing ok but the dips happened a few more times and they decided they wanted to see her heart rate at all times. The balloon went in at about 11 am on Friday so we were now waiting for it to fall out or on a 12 hour countdown. I braced the side of the bed during contractions to take weight off my lower body or stood up and leaned against a cabinet and swayed side to side, bearing down during the contractions. Those were the only two positions I could do. I tried not to pay attention to the time and luckily the clock in our room was broken so I couldn’t see the time passing. Every once in awhile I would check my phone or ask Myles. I remember getting to the 6 hour mark and wondering how I would get through another 6 hours if this thing didn’t fall out. Sometimes the nurse would come in and tug on the balloon a bit to see if that would help stimulate anything. The end of the balloon was taped to my leg to create that bit of extra pressure. I expressed that this was uncomfortable and one of the nurses said “Ya sorry I know the balloon is RUDE.” It made me laugh. At one point I remember kind of falling asleep between contractions for a minute or two when I was laying down. Myles said it was weird to watch because I would bear down on the bed and make my low earthy noises, then collapse into what looked like a 2 minute nap. 

Sure enough the balloon never fell out and we reached the 12 hour mark. The nurses deflated the balloon and took it out. That was a huge relief on my cervix. They said I was at 3.5 cm and 80% effaced at that point so I was progressing. That’s was about 11 pm on Friday night. They said the next step was Pitocin. I didn’t want another intervention and knew that would ramp everything up and possibly lead to an epidural. I asked if I could try to go without it and see if my body took over. I was having regular contractions and hoped they would continue to get closer together and intensify naturally. They said I could try. So over night I told Myles to sleep and that I would continue to labor and move as much as I could. Without the balloon inside I was able to be much more active. I got on the birthing ball, tried squatting, Childs pose and all the other labor positions I learned. I was on my feet a lot and swayed my hips to try and encourage the baby down. By the morning my labor had definitely slowed down. This is not what we wanted to see and it seemed like I would have to do the Pitocin if I wanted this birth to happen. I had been saving my shower for a moment I really needed it and this seemed like the perfect time. I had to keep the monitors on which was annoying. Myles got in with me and ran the shower head up and down my back while I held onto a chair. The second the hot water hit my back, the pain literally dissolved and I felt so much relief. I never wanted to get out. The contractions were less intense and it felt good to wash off the sweat and tears from the last 24 hours. I spent about 20 minutes in there and mentally prepared for what was about to happen. 

I completely lost track of time at this point and the timeline feels like a blur from this point on. But I’m guessing it was maybe 10 am on Saturday when I was given Pitocin through an IV. Now I had the IV and the monitors attached. Within what felt like no time at all my contractions picked up and felt stronger than ever. It’s such a hard sensation to describe but mine were very low in my uterus and felt like an insane cramp. One friend of mine described Pitocin contractions like a mediaeval torture device inside your body. I agree. My low sounds turned more to screams and I had to work hard to drop my energy down instead of tensing my entire body. I was starting to wonder if I could do this for much longer. I started to question everything…I didn’t think I could have this baby. Romy, our doula was coming but wouldn’t be there for awhile. I started to consider the epidural because I truly couldn’t imagine being in this type of pain for several more hours. 

I asked the nurse if we could check my progress and she said to let her know when I felt a pressure on my rectum. Shortly after I told her I felt that pressure and she checked and I was up to 6/7 cm. And this is where time really blurs. The pain got so intense I started to feel nauseous. After each contraction I began to dry heave and break out in cold sweat. I was in transition. I doubted everything and felt like I couldn’t go on. I then got these huge surges of downward energy as of the baby was moving down, which gave me the urge to push. I told the nurse I needed to push and she told me not to. She said that I needed to resist that urge because my cervix wasn’t ready and I risked tearing it. My moans turned into loud high pitched screams as I tried to resist this urge. Everything in my body was telling me to push and to get this baby out. To go against this need was pain I cannot begin to describe. 

So, I told Myles I needed the epidural. I was trying to think if I could even stay still to place it and the thought of the needle in my back terrified me. They called the anesthesiologist down and he told me they would first need to run blood work again because my platelets were low when I had arrived at the hospital. Which I didn’t even know. That would take 30 minutes. My doula Romy was on the way and Myles called her to tell her I couldn’t continue and to see where she was. She told him to try and hold off until she arrived in about 20 minutes. I was struggling with this decision because I had worked so hard for almost 2 days and the epidural was not a part of my plan, and seemed like everything I had just been through would have been wasted. I cried to Myles that I was a failure. (Side note- I do not think getting an epidural is a failure, it just felt very big to me in that moment and was something in my plan that I really had hoped to stick to). He assured me I was no less of a person if I needed the pain medication. But we still had to wait for my bloodwork to get back.

When Romy arrived I told her that I couldn’t do it anymore. That I was in so much pain and that I wanted to push so badly! She told the nurse to check my cervix again. The nurse said “I just checked her.” To be honest I have no clue how much time passed from when I was 7 cm to that moment. But she conceded and checked my cervix. I saw shock on her face and she said “She’s 10 cm!” We all were surprised and I was SO RELIEVED! I was right there. I was going to push my baby out! The nurse then said there was still a lip on my cervix so we needed to wait a few more contractions. Romy threw some arnica in my mouth (which apparently helps with that) and told me it would be fine to start pushing anyway. 

It was GO TIME! Everyone started to get set up. They did offer me the epidural at that point and I think both Romy and I looked at them like they were insane. I was right at the end! I had made it and I knew this part would be the most rewarding. I was so ready to do this. But I could not move positions. I felt I had to stay on my back to push- which really surprised me. They dropped the end of my bed and pulled the stirrups up so k could place my feet. I had a whole team ready to help and truly felt supported in that moment. I spent 2 contractions on my side as they set up and to encourage the lip to open. I rolled on my back again, they told me to grab under my legs and push. I had been taught directed pushing but it took me a few times to really embody the downward energy to send the baby out. I screamed on the first one and they told me not to and to try and send the energy down. On that first push I felt a huge gush of warm liquid leave my body. My water had broken. Myles said that it happened right after he hit the sacral chakra signing bowl…divine timing. There was some meconium in the liquid so they called the NICU doctor down. In my head I thought that meant they were going to take her away from me which made me panic-but only for a second. I had work to do. With the next contraction I pulled my legs up, tucked my chin and pushed. 3 pushes per contraction was about the rate I could go at. I rested between with oxygen. I had to hold one of my legs up because I had a cramp in my outer hip/butt. Everyone was cheering me on and so encouraging. What was crazy to me was this didn’t even hurt. I felt the pressure of the baby’s head but no pain. I felt so relieved to be at the end of this journey. When the head started to come out they told me I could reach down and feel it. When I did, I felt a slimy pile of hair. I looked at Myles and his eyes lit up…I knew she had his dark hair. 

After about 25 minutes of pushing, her full head was out and the rest of her body just slid out. Everyone had to tell me to stop pushing because I didn’t even realize she was fully out! They placed her right on my chest and I was so relieved and happy. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Myles was at my side crying and marveling at our beautiful daughter. We were parents. The NICU doctor heard her make a sound so they kept her on my chest and tried to clear any fluid with a bulb syringe. They were waiting to hear her big cry. He rubbed her back until she let a big sound out. The doctors were still working, helping and guiding me to birth the placenta. I had some clots so the nurse pressed hard on my abdomen to try and get everything out. I was so done with the pain at that point. I wanted everyone to stop touching me but I knew it needed to happen. I tore in two places and the doctor stitched me up. I wanted it all to stop so I tried to tune it all out and focus on the baby. 

She was absolute perfection. Lennon Sky Lavallee. Born on 10/22/22 at 3:23 pm. 8 lbs 6 oz and 20.75 in long. Dark grey eyes and dark brown hair. Crimson red lips and long nails that looked like she had just had a manicure. Romy reached over and put my nipple in her mouth…she started nursing right away. Romy looked at the clock and said “Nursing within 15 min”. That made me smile. I felt very tired and shocked that I had done it. Myles and I kissed her and talked to her for the next hour or two as everyone left the room. This was the most memorable and important moment in my life. She was here. The love I felt in that moment was beyond anything I had ever felt before. 

So, I ended up with a natural birth with no pain medication, and a healthy baby. Many of my wishes came true even though things along the way did not go as planned. I feel like I was able to do this in big part because of my husband and his dedication to me throughout the birth, and my doula who I trusted so completely and was an advocate for me in the moment I needed it the most. I still cannot believe that I made it through that. Women are truly amazing. 

Photo credit to my doula, Romy Karz. Thank you a million for documenting these intimate moments!